Three Kiwis - Phone + Action

[notmiddleearth]

Phonecall: [A bit after midday, New Zealand makes a call. And doesn't think to filter it because she can be remarkably blunt lile that... Or she just didn't think of it. One of the two.]

 So it's come to my attention, mum probably failed in raising most of us, so I'm willing to bet that he never gave any of you a proper talk that didn't involve fairies in some way. Which is okay, I suppose but really you're all grown men, it's actually pretty weird...

So, Oz, Canada, America and even you mum, you should listen. Wy you don't have to, I can give you the talk later. Have to anyway, seeing as whatever Oz said still makes Nauru cry...

Anyway, so first things... Kissing. Now, a kiss is not a contract, so just because you're, yanno, exploring someones mouth doesn't mean you get to take an expedition to the south. Got it? Cuz it's just rude. 

Now, when a man loves a woman, or a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman, whatever, they kiss a lot, and then they decide they want to do more. They wanna... Boom boom boom till the break of dawn if you get my drift. And sometimes, this makes a baby, between the girl and boy at least, girl and girl needs science and boy and boy just ain't happening. You guys understand?

There's no fairies involved or storks or cabbage patches or falling out of tvs or cricket. Those are all just stupid euphemisms people use when they're embarrassed. It's just sex, and it's normal and healthy in moderation. 

Any questions?

Action: [Or you can find her out the front of 727 Anderson Lane, going back and forth with buckets of snow, creating a large  hill. After a bit, she stops, studying it with a frown. It's no where near big enough to snowboard down, like her original intention was. 

So the neighbors won't mind her taking their snow too right?]

Comments

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

I don't. Please don't cook for me, ever.

I was lucky to survive childhood with that cooking.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

I'll bring some scones to our tea time.

You always did like them, didn't you? [DELUSIONS so fragile]

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Mum, your cooking tastes like something died in the oven, and than that food in the oven was burnt to a crisp and became rocks.

[FOREVER BLUNT]

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

That's a metaphor for how much you liked it, right?

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

No.




Sorry.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

I-it's not like you can make any better!

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

I make a pretty good Pav. Because it's mine. Not Oz's.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, my scones are still best.

My fairies say so.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Just because fairies can't lie doesn't mean they can't bend the truth.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

They wouldn't bend the truth.

They love me.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Maybe they bend the truth for that reason?

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

... I would have been happier if they told the truth.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Would you really?

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

... Probably not.

But I'm not happy if I think they're lying.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Not lying, just bending the truth.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

The truth's the truth and a lie's a lie.

It's as simple as that.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

It's not that black and white mum. There's a lot of grey areas.

You're not a kid, you should know that.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

What's so grey about that? It's an absolute.

It would... theoretically hurt more if I knew my fairies were lying than if they told the absolute truth.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Life ain't like that Mum. Nobody really wants to hurt people I guess.

I'll always tell you the truth if you want?

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

Of course you'll tell me the truth. That's a given.

But sometimes I really do want to hurt people. And I do it.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Yeah but that's because you're a bit of a bastard mum.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

I'm not the only person who wants to hurt others.

I only hurt people who want to hurt me.