Three Kiwis - Phone + Action

[notmiddleearth]

Phonecall: [A bit after midday, New Zealand makes a call. And doesn't think to filter it because she can be remarkably blunt lile that... Or she just didn't think of it. One of the two.]

 So it's come to my attention, mum probably failed in raising most of us, so I'm willing to bet that he never gave any of you a proper talk that didn't involve fairies in some way. Which is okay, I suppose but really you're all grown men, it's actually pretty weird...

So, Oz, Canada, America and even you mum, you should listen. Wy you don't have to, I can give you the talk later. Have to anyway, seeing as whatever Oz said still makes Nauru cry...

Anyway, so first things... Kissing. Now, a kiss is not a contract, so just because you're, yanno, exploring someones mouth doesn't mean you get to take an expedition to the south. Got it? Cuz it's just rude. 

Now, when a man loves a woman, or a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman, whatever, they kiss a lot, and then they decide they want to do more. They wanna... Boom boom boom till the break of dawn if you get my drift. And sometimes, this makes a baby, between the girl and boy at least, girl and girl needs science and boy and boy just ain't happening. You guys understand?

There's no fairies involved or storks or cabbage patches or falling out of tvs or cricket. Those are all just stupid euphemisms people use when they're embarrassed. It's just sex, and it's normal and healthy in moderation. 

Any questions?

Action: [Or you can find her out the front of 727 Anderson Lane, going back and forth with buckets of snow, creating a large  hill. After a bit, she stops, studying it with a frown. It's no where near big enough to snowboard down, like her original intention was. 

So the neighbors won't mind her taking their snow too right?]

Comments

1/2

[the-wee-big-hag.livejournal.com]

[You are her favourite not!relative.]

......That wasn't filtered you know....

2/2

[the-wee-big-hag.livejournal.com]

.....


And I think it's going to take more then that to convince England that fairies or cabbage patches aren't involved.

[sub-umbra-sedi.livejournal.com]

What about having to be married first?

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Well if that's what you wanna do sure! But it's one of those things only you should to decide.

[wizardoftheweek.livejournal.com]

Please filter things like this in the future.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Sorry bout that love! Didn't realise it wasn't.

1/2

[lamingtons]

Don't include my name in this!

[lamingtons]

Also, it could use more diagrams.

[muskatli.livejournal.com]

Boom boom boom...

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Sorry love, that's another euphamisim. Have sex till the break of dawn.

[supersizedpower.livejournal.com]

Um...

Th-thanks, but I know. It's not like I've never done that stuff before.

...Did England put you up to this?

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

You sure? Oz said I should draw diagrams, but my drawings suck and my actual diagrams are at home.

Nah, Oz clearly doesn't understand what sex is about, and Mumland was talking about wickets and cricket and I don't know, but clearly he hasn't got a clue. So I pretty much guessed that he never figured out how to explain it to you and Cana either, so you two would be just as clueless. Thought is was my duty to educate the lot of you.

phone

[scentofbauhinia.livejournal.com]

He like, still tries to give me the talk.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

What about China? He do the same or is this a 'England is weird' thing only.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

Fairies are always involved.

O-oh a Scarfle... *u* I totally haven't been crying for you...

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

...



Mumland, I know you really believe in those guys and that's cool, but sex and babies don't have anything to do with babies.

[braided_icarus]

...W-what?

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

What, what?

[wybrows.livejournal.com]

What are you talkin' about.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

How babies are made. Do you wanna hear it now or would you rather wait a few decades Tilly?

[survived]

[JUST. KIND OF SQUEAKING.]

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Hello? [Tapping the phone with a finger]

[mr-blandy-bland.livejournal.com]

Um...t-to tell you the truth...I...ahh...um...k-kind of knew that already.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Thought you would! You at least had France to explain stuff. But I wasn't sure, so better to be safe than sorry and confused like mum...

[partytoastess.livejournal.com]

[ Silence. Nena just stares at the phone wondering what she was listening to. ]

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Hello?








Helloooooooo? Is anyone even on this?