Three Kiwis - Phone + Action

[notmiddleearth]

Phonecall: [A bit after midday, New Zealand makes a call. And doesn't think to filter it because she can be remarkably blunt lile that... Or she just didn't think of it. One of the two.]

 So it's come to my attention, mum probably failed in raising most of us, so I'm willing to bet that he never gave any of you a proper talk that didn't involve fairies in some way. Which is okay, I suppose but really you're all grown men, it's actually pretty weird...

So, Oz, Canada, America and even you mum, you should listen. Wy you don't have to, I can give you the talk later. Have to anyway, seeing as whatever Oz said still makes Nauru cry...

Anyway, so first things... Kissing. Now, a kiss is not a contract, so just because you're, yanno, exploring someones mouth doesn't mean you get to take an expedition to the south. Got it? Cuz it's just rude. 

Now, when a man loves a woman, or a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman, whatever, they kiss a lot, and then they decide they want to do more. They wanna... Boom boom boom till the break of dawn if you get my drift. And sometimes, this makes a baby, between the girl and boy at least, girl and girl needs science and boy and boy just ain't happening. You guys understand?

There's no fairies involved or storks or cabbage patches or falling out of tvs or cricket. Those are all just stupid euphemisms people use when they're embarrassed. It's just sex, and it's normal and healthy in moderation. 

Any questions?

Action: [Or you can find her out the front of 727 Anderson Lane, going back and forth with buckets of snow, creating a large  hill. After a bit, she stops, studying it with a frown. It's no where near big enough to snowboard down, like her original intention was. 

So the neighbors won't mind her taking their snow too right?]

Comments

[sub-umbra-sedi.livejournal.com]

Well, I mean, I'm Catholic, so...

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Well it's up to you hun! But if you wanna do it and your partner does and you take precautions then what's the harm?

1/2

[sub-umbra-sedi.livejournal.com]

I guess so, yeah.

2/2

[sub-umbra-sedi.livejournal.com]

So when you say precautions, you mean like making sure you're both far enough down on the bed that you don't hit your head on the wall or something while you're doing it, right?

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Well... yeah, I guess that helps, but things like birth control, like the pill or condoms, were more what I meant.

[sub-umbra-sedi.livejournal.com]

...Oh.

[Yeah, not really sure about those.]

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

I mean dunno if it's really a problem for us, but better to be safe than sorry.

This is Seborga, right? Not a normal Italian kid? Because then you're most definetly gunna need protection.

[sub-umbra-sedi.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's me.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Cool. So did Italy or whatever never give you the talk?

[sub-umbra-sedi.livejournal.com]

I don't think anyone ever gave him the talk...

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Not even France?

[sub-umbra-sedi.livejournal.com]

Well, maybe. But I don't think so.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Huh.

Is he here? I can give it to him.

[sub-umbra-sedi.livejournal.com]

He's here, but he's... a lot younger.