Three Kiwis - Phone + Action

[notmiddleearth]

Phonecall: [A bit after midday, New Zealand makes a call. And doesn't think to filter it because she can be remarkably blunt lile that... Or she just didn't think of it. One of the two.]

 So it's come to my attention, mum probably failed in raising most of us, so I'm willing to bet that he never gave any of you a proper talk that didn't involve fairies in some way. Which is okay, I suppose but really you're all grown men, it's actually pretty weird...

So, Oz, Canada, America and even you mum, you should listen. Wy you don't have to, I can give you the talk later. Have to anyway, seeing as whatever Oz said still makes Nauru cry...

Anyway, so first things... Kissing. Now, a kiss is not a contract, so just because you're, yanno, exploring someones mouth doesn't mean you get to take an expedition to the south. Got it? Cuz it's just rude. 

Now, when a man loves a woman, or a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman, whatever, they kiss a lot, and then they decide they want to do more. They wanna... Boom boom boom till the break of dawn if you get my drift. And sometimes, this makes a baby, between the girl and boy at least, girl and girl needs science and boy and boy just ain't happening. You guys understand?

There's no fairies involved or storks or cabbage patches or falling out of tvs or cricket. Those are all just stupid euphemisms people use when they're embarrassed. It's just sex, and it's normal and healthy in moderation. 

Any questions?

Action: [Or you can find her out the front of 727 Anderson Lane, going back and forth with buckets of snow, creating a large  hill. After a bit, she stops, studying it with a frown. It's no where near big enough to snowboard down, like her original intention was. 

So the neighbors won't mind her taking their snow too right?]

Comments

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Oz, do I need to remind you about Nauru?

And one, I don't have my diagrams and you know I can't draw for shit, and two, how do you even show diagrams through the phone?

[lamingtons]

Aw, he barely cries at night at all anymore.

You could go door to door. Or make posters and stick 'em up around town.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

He almost had a heart attack when Gin hugged him.

Still don't have my diagrams Oz, and all I can do is stick figures.

[lamingtons]

Lots of people do. They think she's gonna eat 'em.

I can help with that, dead easy!

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

I thought you got her to stop that?

...Oz, you are not drawing diagrams. You'll draw everything with STI's.

[lamingtons]

She says she doesn't anymore.

Will not.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

You don't believe her?

Will too.

[lamingtons]

'Course I believe her! Mostly.

Will not.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Sure. You're not lying at all...

Will.

[lamingtons]

I haven't caught her at it since the 50s.

Not.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Well that's good. 60 years and all... just gotta make sure she doesn't fall off the wagon.

Will. Will, infinity.

[lamingtons]

Will not! Will not, infinity, times ten.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Will too! Will too, infinity times, infinity

[lamingtons]

Will not! Will not will not will not times infinity to the power of three!

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Will too! Will too will too will too times infinity to the power of infinity plus six!

[lamingtons]

Will not! Will not will not will not times infinity to the power of infinity plus sev- I forgot what we're arguing about again.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Something about you sucking, I dunno.

[lamingtons]

Nah, I reckon it was about you being a stupid bitch or some shit.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Jerk. Shut ya mouth before I kick it. And then I'll kick your ass.