Three Kiwis - Phone + Action

[notmiddleearth]

Phonecall: [A bit after midday, New Zealand makes a call. And doesn't think to filter it because she can be remarkably blunt lile that... Or she just didn't think of it. One of the two.]

 So it's come to my attention, mum probably failed in raising most of us, so I'm willing to bet that he never gave any of you a proper talk that didn't involve fairies in some way. Which is okay, I suppose but really you're all grown men, it's actually pretty weird...

So, Oz, Canada, America and even you mum, you should listen. Wy you don't have to, I can give you the talk later. Have to anyway, seeing as whatever Oz said still makes Nauru cry...

Anyway, so first things... Kissing. Now, a kiss is not a contract, so just because you're, yanno, exploring someones mouth doesn't mean you get to take an expedition to the south. Got it? Cuz it's just rude. 

Now, when a man loves a woman, or a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman, whatever, they kiss a lot, and then they decide they want to do more. They wanna... Boom boom boom till the break of dawn if you get my drift. And sometimes, this makes a baby, between the girl and boy at least, girl and girl needs science and boy and boy just ain't happening. You guys understand?

There's no fairies involved or storks or cabbage patches or falling out of tvs or cricket. Those are all just stupid euphemisms people use when they're embarrassed. It's just sex, and it's normal and healthy in moderation. 

Any questions?

Action: [Or you can find her out the front of 727 Anderson Lane, going back and forth with buckets of snow, creating a large  hill. After a bit, she stops, studying it with a frown. It's no where near big enough to snowboard down, like her original intention was. 

So the neighbors won't mind her taking their snow too right?]

Comments

ran's nocturnalitis is infectious but hopefully her loserness isn't

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

Of course I do. If you care to give them.


[PATTING HIMSELF ON THE BACK job well done jolly good chap]

It is. Starts nocturnalitis and ends in loserness

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Well there's This Is A, last name Fake Name... lemme see... oh yeah, Are You Really Buying This, and then there was I Mean C'mon and after him I was with Mum You Need A Hobby....

Oh and This Is Pathetic Mum, Really. I think that's it?

i suppose you have the good excuse of living on the other side of the world

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

For the last one, are there hyphens?

And I had my shots against loserness

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Nope.

circle circle dot dot cootie shot doesn't cover this

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

All right.

Any of these in particular spark your ire?

...You mean Americans really do that, it's not just a tv thing?

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Not really.

You could always punch Oz though, if you really wanted?

it's an elementary school rhyme to protect against the dire forces of boys

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

I already do that.

Don't you?

We just called it boy germs and refused to play with them, occasionally beating them up

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

'Course I do.

Just saying you could punch him if you weren't.

...Why are you punching him?

boys are still such a mysterious race to me

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

Being protective of him, are we?

I find punching them works.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Someone has to look out for the moron.

do i run away blushing afterward because i could totally do the last bit

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

I look out for him.

... Has he gotten into any trouble of late?

Ahh Scarfle so tsun tsun dere dere

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Your on the other side of the world, I'm next door.

Nah not really. Aside... aside from his usual batshit weather.

/hits!!!! /runs away to roll around with a pillow on the bed

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

I can still look after him. I can still look after you.

Even if I'm on the other side of the world.

Dawww /pinches cheeks!!!

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

...

We're grown up Mum. You don't need to look out for us any more.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

Of course I do. That's just nonsense, what you're saying.

It's almost like you don't miss my cooking at all. [ALMOST IF]

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

I don't. Please don't cook for me, ever.

I was lucky to survive childhood with that cooking.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

I'll bring some scones to our tea time.

You always did like them, didn't you? [DELUSIONS so fragile]

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Mum, your cooking tastes like something died in the oven, and than that food in the oven was burnt to a crisp and became rocks.

[FOREVER BLUNT]

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

That's a metaphor for how much you liked it, right?

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

No.




Sorry.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

I-it's not like you can make any better!

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

I make a pretty good Pav. Because it's mine. Not Oz's.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, my scones are still best.

My fairies say so.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Just because fairies can't lie doesn't mean they can't bend the truth.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

They wouldn't bend the truth.

They love me.