Three Kiwis - Phone + Action

[notmiddleearth]

Phonecall: [A bit after midday, New Zealand makes a call. And doesn't think to filter it because she can be remarkably blunt lile that... Or she just didn't think of it. One of the two.]

 So it's come to my attention, mum probably failed in raising most of us, so I'm willing to bet that he never gave any of you a proper talk that didn't involve fairies in some way. Which is okay, I suppose but really you're all grown men, it's actually pretty weird...

So, Oz, Canada, America and even you mum, you should listen. Wy you don't have to, I can give you the talk later. Have to anyway, seeing as whatever Oz said still makes Nauru cry...

Anyway, so first things... Kissing. Now, a kiss is not a contract, so just because you're, yanno, exploring someones mouth doesn't mean you get to take an expedition to the south. Got it? Cuz it's just rude. 

Now, when a man loves a woman, or a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman, whatever, they kiss a lot, and then they decide they want to do more. They wanna... Boom boom boom till the break of dawn if you get my drift. And sometimes, this makes a baby, between the girl and boy at least, girl and girl needs science and boy and boy just ain't happening. You guys understand?

There's no fairies involved or storks or cabbage patches or falling out of tvs or cricket. Those are all just stupid euphemisms people use when they're embarrassed. It's just sex, and it's normal and healthy in moderation. 

Any questions?

Action: [Or you can find her out the front of 727 Anderson Lane, going back and forth with buckets of snow, creating a large  hill. After a bit, she stops, studying it with a frown. It's no where near big enough to snowboard down, like her original intention was. 

So the neighbors won't mind her taking their snow too right?]

Comments

1/2

[the-wee-big-hag.livejournal.com]

[You are her favourite not!relative.]

......That wasn't filtered you know....

2/2

[the-wee-big-hag.livejournal.com]

.....


And I think it's going to take more then that to convince England that fairies or cabbage patches aren't involved.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

[She's everyones fav not!relative]

Really? Bugger, sorry about that love. Still working this all out.

And I know, but might as well start now. Maybe if we just keep repeating it he'll come to accept it.

[the-wee-big-hag.livejournal.com]

Maybe. I'm not really sure how you could "not" figure it out by some point really.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

It's England, he's like that... he's really stubborn when he's in denial.

[the-wee-big-hag.livejournal.com]

It's amazing really.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

I guess. Rather tiresome after a century.

[the-wee-big-hag.livejournal.com]

I can imagine. I'm surprised you didn't sit him down and attempt this sooner.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Usually he's on the other side of the world, it's not a huge bother. Plus he's not around kids much normal, he can't really misinform them.

[the-wee-big-hag.livejournal.com]

I suppose that helps.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Oh he still tries to interfere, you can just hang up on him though.

[the-wee-big-hag.livejournal.com]

Does he visit often?