Three Kiwis - Phone + Action

[notmiddleearth]

Phonecall: [A bit after midday, New Zealand makes a call. And doesn't think to filter it because she can be remarkably blunt lile that... Or she just didn't think of it. One of the two.]

 So it's come to my attention, mum probably failed in raising most of us, so I'm willing to bet that he never gave any of you a proper talk that didn't involve fairies in some way. Which is okay, I suppose but really you're all grown men, it's actually pretty weird...

So, Oz, Canada, America and even you mum, you should listen. Wy you don't have to, I can give you the talk later. Have to anyway, seeing as whatever Oz said still makes Nauru cry...

Anyway, so first things... Kissing. Now, a kiss is not a contract, so just because you're, yanno, exploring someones mouth doesn't mean you get to take an expedition to the south. Got it? Cuz it's just rude. 

Now, when a man loves a woman, or a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman, whatever, they kiss a lot, and then they decide they want to do more. They wanna... Boom boom boom till the break of dawn if you get my drift. And sometimes, this makes a baby, between the girl and boy at least, girl and girl needs science and boy and boy just ain't happening. You guys understand?

There's no fairies involved or storks or cabbage patches or falling out of tvs or cricket. Those are all just stupid euphemisms people use when they're embarrassed. It's just sex, and it's normal and healthy in moderation. 

Any questions?

Action: [Or you can find her out the front of 727 Anderson Lane, going back and forth with buckets of snow, creating a large  hill. After a bit, she stops, studying it with a frown. It's no where near big enough to snowboard down, like her original intention was. 

So the neighbors won't mind her taking their snow too right?]

Comments

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

You two have been playing rugby?

It's not like I'd want to watch or anything, but you should tell me if you play in the future.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

If by play you mean I've been kicking his ass in rugby, then yeah, we have.

... Why would you wanna watch us?

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

No reason. Haven't seen rugby in a while, I mean.

I'd likely beat you both, so it's best that I just watch. Sit by the sidelines, that sort of thing.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

...

I'd kick your ass, old man. Just because Australia's sucking at cricket so you're winning for once doesn't mean either of you could beat me in rugby.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

Delusions of grandeur? It's amusing when you can still dream about such distant hopes.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Your time has come and gone Mum. Make way for the new generation, before you break a hip.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

You're still young to even bring up a half-arsed competition for me.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

And your too old to even bring any competition. Gramps.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

Maybe you'll have the right to say that when your voice stops changing. Don't worry, I'll get you a nice warm glass of milk for your nap after the game's done.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

My voice isn't changing, what are you on about? And speaking of naps isn't it time for yours Grandpa? Or do you need some help remembering where your bed is?

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

I remember. But I hope you remember to stop wetting your bed. Might break your concentration for the game.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

I never wet the bed that was Oz. But I'm not surprise you don't remember, your memory is fading isn't it... Hey mum, mum, mum, what's your name again, and where do you live? That's something you do need to remember so some knows where to take you after I kick your ass.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

I suppose I might feel a little bad about completely beating a child at a game, but not bad enough to hold back. I might even clean up your boo-boos afterward, since that's the mature thing to do.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Unfortunetly I don't know how to set broken bones, or I'd make the same offer. Do try not to break something, I know your bones must be as fragile as glass.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

You're almost cute when you're overconfident like that.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

You're never cute.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

If I was a girl, I would be cute.

But since I'm not, I'm just mature and handsome.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

Nah, you'd be old. Like you are now. Mature aged and old.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

Don't be a brat to my girl self.

She's very nice.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

I'm sure she is.

Nice like somebodies grandma.

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

She'd be your older sister and she'd probably be very pleasant.

Maybe even nicer than I am.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

She'd be my grandma.

And it's not that hard to be nicer than you...

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

What are you talking about? I'm the perfect gentleman.

[notmiddleearth.livejournal.com]

On what planet?

[is-an-island.livejournal.com]

This one.

I am a gentleman. I'm just not always kind, that's all. I believe in honesty.